My first time holding baby Aria. #adorable #instacollage #hospital #newborn #baby #inlove #family #fragile #tiny #lifechanging
Baby Aria!!! Thanks @mexi_jen for the lovely pictures! #inlove #baby #worthit #littlehands #auntdanielle
What a lovely couple! so excited we could be here for Hunter’s big day with Aria. #Baby #newborn #5hours #LucyHale #quickdelivery
How can I settle for any less then what he gave me? I’ve fallen back into accepting a mere kiss on the cheek that I feel hours later. I have gone from receiving an epic love to mediocre friendships. I gave him everything my heart could give and took for granite all the times I held him in my arms. Now I lay here alone in my bed, I use my hands to please another but I’ve gone from being someone’s hero to being someone’s toy. I feel a sharp pain in my side as I imagine being alone for longer then I have to. I know I’ll get married in the church one day.
I know it’s been 2 years since I started we started this roller coaster and I know that it seems ridiculous that i could actually still feel any fraction of pain. I know i should have walked away a long time ago and that everyone looks at me with judging eyes wondering how I could let this drag on so long. I know I said I would stop talking to you countless times and I know there have been times when it seemed like I might actually make a break through but crashed into sin once more. I hate How everyone acts like it’s not a big deal and that after all this time I’m still stupid enough to let you in my life. I don’t think anyone quite understands that I walked away from my world. Not just someone i fell in love with but someone who breathed when I breathed, who cried when i cried, who’s laugher lit up my day and who’s words sank into my heart. She was the match to my flame, the only face I saw next to me when I woke up the next day.
And after all the times we had apart I knew she still loved me and that knowledge made the pain bearable. Now she walks towards the light as I shake in the darkness. She doesn’t turn around to look at me as I cry out to her. The girl who showed me what it feels like to be believed in and loved with a magnitude I’d never known. She wasn’t just the girl I slept with, or my final kiss goodnight. She wasn’t just a broken relationship or a naive mistake. She was my best friend, my chef, my rock, my fixer, my laughter, my shoulder. Now she lays in another bed and gives that look to another’s face. She laughs at his jokes and listens to him when he cries.
I know she no longer loves me and that is why this pain still lives inside me. This is why after all this time tears hide behind my shades as I ride down highway 66. This is why I hate her with a passion I only felt when I kissed her. She promised me she’d always be there but I guess that was a lie.
This is my first time exploring my blog since at least last spring if not earlier. It’s amazing to reflect over my emotions especially in some of my private Blogs. You forget how strongly you felt about things and honestly it makes you wonder how significant they were in the first place! I think I’ll add some old entries from this past summer I wrote on my phone to this blog for the next time I decide to do some reflection. Some of the events in my life haven’t quite left me completely but I am far more independent now then I was before. No longer helplessly in love and broken. Lonely maybe; Still somewhat mournful but not broken. Here’s too much more growing and much more discovery
Cute cat (Taken with Instagram)